A couple things on my mind, love. Do you mind?
Two things, because they have been flooding my mind. Because I think sometimes people say what we want to hear in more love than what we need to hear. Because I began writing as a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be guarded, that my writing would be the trusted whispers of a good friend, a needle in a haystack to come by. &, of course, because I would expect the same from you.
You know they say to fight for love, but I think a large chunk of us are confusing ourselves into fighting for everything, & by everything, I mean mostly the wrong things. We yearn for something, a feeling deeper than words & closer to the bone marrow. The thing is, you’ve caught this glimpse of joy untold & now they’re trying to rip the table cloth out from beneath all of these precious valuables you’ve placed on it. & though your smile may be deceiving, this is no magic trick.
& you care, & you care deeply, or else the words would’ve come from your lungs first. So the thoughts we think are suddenly engulfed by the try or try not to thing & maybe it’s just me, but I always come back to the fine line that we’ve caught in between scenes from Just Married to The Notebook.
Always fight for love.
God, I believe it. Always. Always. But the thing is, sweet pea, there’s something you need to nip in the butt before you cling to this advice.
Is it love?
& this is the sick, unfortunate part that makes our stomachs roll. Because I know you love him. I believe you do with everything in your bones. But does he love you? I mean does he love you to that same, crazy extent? & on that note, what are you really fighting for?
Its hard, babe. When you give it all away & your hands are tracing his jaw line &, all at once, holding your own. It’s hard because you never for a second felt you should be guarded & all the sudden you’re feeling robbed. & its hard because every time you think maybe this one will stay & out of the blue you’re surged back into the reality of this loneliness you had forgotten the weight of.
Its hard. But love, when you stop fighting for the wrong things, you make room for the right. You deserve real. You deserve genuine. You deserve faithful.
Which brings me to the second thing.
I think you’re settling.
Because here’s the thing. We think of settling as in
“I wanted a guy with brown hair & blue eyes.”
But settling is thicker than vanity. It’s your morals & values & what you’ve clung to all this time, as well.
It’s not having to shift those lines you always promised in the sand.
Let’s not dance around this, though. You need to catch this.
Settling is more than physical attraction.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to let him in your pants to keep him. Beautiful girl, you are more than a physical attraction to be felt. You have a lovely personality, as well, & your quirks were never meant to be shoveled to the back. No, their beautiful, too. & you know what else is beautiful? Standards & saying no, all because you love yourself in a way in which you are completely unashamed of this person you’ve decided to be.
Your values & your laugh & your silly dance moves are just as much a part of you as your deep brown hair with silver slipping through. It’s all you, love. & every inch, every little fine line & detail. They’ve all been created to be loved.