Sometimes it feels like I’m driving in circles.
The moment when you & her were trying to be big girls, taking your first road trip driving to a place you didn’t know. You were so close to your destination, two minutes away, yet through all the intersecting streets the place lay hidden & though you shut that music off to focus through the silence, you couldn’t help but pass it up three more times.
“Didn’t we see that place already?”
& it’s my life at times, & it all seems to run in circles & I can’t seem to find out where that little pot of gold is or what he’s demanding I take from this, at times, mess. What is it, Lord? & it’s this, me driving back & forth & round & round, that feels as though I’m only getting further from the cross. I hear draw near, I pray draw near, but in the midst of the tall buildings on this road I can’t seem to find the one that I’m supposed to enter. I can’t see which door is open. I only feel lost.
‘Cause I loved you before you knew it was love /
& I saw it all & still chose the cross.
-Stephany Gretzinger, Out of Hiding
He saw it all, & loved me despite my faults. He knew I would never live up to the life of his son, yet, it was his ultimate goal to let him die in my place because he wanted me in my imperfections to feel Christ’s perfection. It was that important for him to be near to me.
& so I think of the many times I’ve wrecked the goodness he’s given me, & I think about the shame I carry from the times I’ve known no but still said yes, & I think about how much more I need the cross since that day I told him my life was his. & it’s like every time I fall short, I’m asking him, do you still love me? & it’s here Jesus reminds me of how he entered in to each of my failures, & he reminds me of what I so easily forget. The cross is still enough, love.
Above all, love each other deeply,
because love covers a multitude of sins.
-1 Peter 4:8
That’s the magic. That is the healing salve he applies to all of our wounds. Love. Because what is the cross other than love? What person dies in someone else’s place while they don’t even like the person, let alone love them? God is love, & the cross is him simply being himself. Doing not what you deserve, but what you’d expect him to do, if you believe he is who he says he is. He soothes, love covers a multitude of sins. It’s always been enough for yours.
He is still adding the cross to the picture, love. Every shortcoming, every fault, every hurtful word. Christ enters in & leaves nothing to question.
My love has washed over you. My love still covers. My love is proof.
Because we simply cannot stop at the love that covers us. We can’t say “…because love covers a multitude of sins.” There’s a beginning that needs an explanation. Above all, love each other deeply. Because it has covered our sins over & over again & has been deemed victorious. Because love will always be enough.
We can’t remember the covering over our lives without remembering the covering placed over theirs. We can’t remember ourselves without remembering them.
Be holy because I am holy. Forgive because I forgave. Love because I love.
Love them how you are loved. Because it works.
It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.