TOTHEUNTAMEDHEART.

Proof that God once had it. 

Here’s what he did in the good old days.

Here’s the work he performed in his prime,

before retirement.

The present isn’t a waiting game for God. He isn’t sitting twiddling his thumbs because he’s too weak or too stubborn to do anything. Maybe you feel like he used up all his power. Bought all the biggest & best fireworks & was so worried about putting on the best show he used them all up before he got to us. This isn’t a three wishes thing. He isn’t a genie who has been sucked back into his magical lamp until we get it right.

The Bible was meant to show us how far he has brought us, how long he has been faithful, how present he has always been behind it all.

It was meant to be our reminder & our guide. 

With lists of don’ts & words of wisdom,

but also the freedom to flow with creativity.

A call to not grow complacent,

to not play into the just-scratching-the-surface chores of survival.

A love letter, always pleading us to come home. 

I AM your Victory! Bring me your battle.

I AM your Weapon! Sharpen yourself with me.

I AM your Truth! Lean into my words.

I AM your Father! Nobody loves you like I do.

Let me love you, child. Let me be your home.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I couldn’t stop itching & thinking about itching so by 4am I got up & started my morning routines, eventually going into the bedroom to my babies where I probably smothered Leo with at least 20 kisses. Bare minimum. I like to ride the line with my kids. Kissing them so many times because I can while they sleep, right until I think one more might stir them. That probably sounds creepy if you aren’t a parent. But by age 2 Luca already is wiping off my kisses when he actually does let me close. So I take advantage of their sleepy faces. But staring down at Leo, all I could think about was that me kissing him like crazy doesn’t match my love for him. I couldn’t kiss him enough to show him how my heart has been overtaken with love for him.

& the love God has for us. Can you even imagine? That unconditional, I love you more, thick & sticky love. I think my love is unconditional for my babies, but God’s love—Love at the source— with all my love in me, I know I am no match. & the Creator of us who never grows weary from sleepless nights, & yet we wonder if he is able to defend us. I don’t worry if I can care for my babies off no sleep, but I worry if God can take care of me.

Step parenting can be a little trickier than parenting, if I’m honest. Its a constant battle of trying to find balance. Oftentimes, through discipline, I’m more likely to be viewed as the bad guy in every scenario across the board. My husband can tell my step daughter Allie to go to her room for something she did wrong & she still knows he loves her. I say the same four words to her & she doubts my love. I always got so confused by it & if I’m honest with you it seemed a little dramatic & overboard. But how much are we the same way with God? We don’t read our Bible for a month & we’re ready to get back on board, & we feel like we just need to be re-saved all together. We’re going through a dry spell & feel like nothing we’re doing is getting anywhere, & suddenly God is mad at us because we aren’t trying hard enough. We don’t hear His voice as clearly as Abraham, & so we fluctuate wondering if its him or us, & we think we are bad Christians. Can you imagine for a moment what our marriages would be like if we were as insecure in our partner’s love? We would be crying over every silent car ride, thinking they didn’t love us anymore. We would be poking them every five minutes in their sleep & asking them if they were mad at us. 

His love is enough, his strength is enough, & he is for us. 

We can rest in him & we can cling wholeheartedly to his promises. 

He was faithful then & he is faithful now.