trusting is hard

It’s been a rough few months in every aspect. Balancing work, raising up a toddler boy and nuturing a long distance relationship have made me exhausted. on top of it all, I’ve been struggling spiritually. Even now I’m having a hard time finding words to write this. I’ve been in a season of growth and I feel like I’ve made little progress–everytime something seems to be working out, it all falls apart. I feel like I’ve lost so much hope and am constantly working to regain it. I’m tired of being knocked down. I’ve yelled at God a lot the past few months and He lets me. He knows my frustrations and He listens to me and says “I know, my girl, you’ll understand soon” and I sometimes feel like I only half believe Him. 

Throughout these struggles, I’m reminded of Daniel who was handed trial after trial and through all of it, he drew near to God in prayer. Towards the end of the book, Israel is coming to the end of a 70 year exile in Babylon. Daniel takes time to repent on Israel’s behalf and he questions why the exile had to occur in the first place. Why did God allow this hardship?

God “exiles” us as He did Israel as an opportunity to grow His people. When He takes away everything from us, we can only rely on Him–spending time in prayer and the Word. Everything that God does is  working to grow us and drawing His children to Him. 

I’m also reminded of so many stories in the Bible of amazing Followers who saw Jesus at the end of their trials. Even as they were being persecuted, thrown in prison, had their families taken from them, stripped of all their earthly possessions–they still saw hope in Christ and faith in their Father. 

I’m praying that I can have that same tunnel vision. Seeing only my Good Father reaching out to me and watching amy earthly struggles fade away from my view. My God wants my happiness and He loves to show grace. 

I’m learning to have hope and to trust in God more and more every day. Thanks for bearing with me and forgiving me for not posting as often as I should.

praying for you always


It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.

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