I fight to feel purposeful.

I honestly didn’t even realize until I was reading the genealogy in Matthew, highlighting all the women who were important mamas, but when I came to verse 16, the tables turned.

“& Jacob fathered Joseph the husband of Mary,
who gave birth to Jesus who is called the Christ.”
—Matthew 1

The shift in my thoughts hadn’t even registered with me until I was writing the note ‘Joseph was just as chosen as Mary’ in the margin of my bible. Wait a minute. Aren’t I supposed to be able to relate more to Mary?

That’s when I started asking myself questions, unraveling me to the core lie I never realized I was still wrapping my arms around:

I feel like the person that things just happen to.

The truth is I relate most to the people barely mentioned in the bible. The quiet onlookers watching Jesus carry the cross. The women passing by the disciples healing Lazarus on my way to the grocery store. I see someone like Joseph & almost get bitter towards Mary, like she’s not a member of my crowd. She’s too popular. (Ironic, since in the moment she def wasn’t anything near ‘popular’) Its like I constantly need the reminder, you are here for just as great of a purpose as the people around you. You are chosen, too. For now, not only for some future moment. Always for such a time as this.

I see the way God moves through me & think ‘he’s only doing that because I’m moving forward in this’. Well, yes, kind of. But he is the one resounding in my heart, placing this song in my bones to direct my heart towards certain ministries. I might be displaying all kinds of fireworks, but he is the one who lit the match beneath me.

I’m sure Joseph felt the same way, as if everything was happening to him rather than for him. & reading back through the gospels, I’ve always felt the same he did. But the virgin Mary might of carried the miracle, but Joseph was a vital part of the alignment.

So its time to shift my thinking. Its time to say, thank you Jesus for making me aware of what within me is still weak & unconvinced. Thank you for moving within me, for always choosing me & giving me a chance over & over again. Strengthen my mind to remember how great you are in everything you do, including how you’ve created me. I fix my eyes on you, Jesus. I am yours.

2 responses to “I fight to feel purposeful.”

It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: