How to live when you should’ve died.

We’re living on our second life over here in the Orengia house. I know it sounds crazy, but to walk through what we have and to pretend we are the same just is not even plausible. You can’t taste His goodness to the depths we have and see His deliverance how we have and just stay the same.

I truly thought we were set ablaze before.

Last Wednesday we loaded in the van, as we have for a little over a month, coffee in hand, turning on some worship songs the Lord had been laying on our hearts, admiring sweet Emmy Suzy, lover of all things girly, as she lay sleeping in her carseat with her sunglasses on.

It felt like no sooner had I told Donny I would wait to take a picture of her until we got to church that I turned around and caught a glance of the car that had swerved over that double line, heading straight toward us. I remember gasping, Allie hearing my cry for Donny. Though I didn’t think about our speed then (we were going 55mph), I did think about the outcome- this was it. I was disappointed that this was what my whole life accumulated to. I was 100% certain at least I would die.

It happened so quickly, but we collided and immediately I felt warmth all over my body, the thickness of His presence holding me. In the Spirit, I saw pillows of fire all around me, a fact that after the accident I was hesitant to share, fearing everyone would brush it off as airbags. Until the Lord reminded me that I don’t have sight in my left eye yet and I saw them surrounding me, full circle (not to mention, the left side of the vehicles airbags never went off. I’ll also let you know the Lord had me reading about angels prior to, having recently read about seraphim being known as flames of fire because they are flames of fire with wings. Ahem, pillows of fire.

I know He showed me what He did not just for me but for every one of us, and climbing out of the van with the kids, everyone alive and able to walk out of the vehicle, I knew that God fought for us.

A couple months ago, I felt like the Lord wanted to heal my eye. I’ve been blind in my left eye since birth, a defect known as Morning Glory Syndrome where the nerve was fully developed and everything there, simply unattached with a bit of fraying on the end like a flower. I tried to push down those feelings because it felt silly to me. I don’t need it, Lord. I have been blind in that eye for 31 years. Its not even considered a handicap because it’s all I’ve ever known. But after He just wouldn’t stop surrounding me with talk of how He can make blind eyes see, I had to decide that whatever He wants, even if it seems small and insignificant, I want. I want the fullness of Him, & by withholding myself from His blessing and goodness when I don’t see the need for it or understand the need for it, I’m holding myself back from His beautiful crafty hands that want to use this to reshape me.

So Donny and I went all in, praying every night and walking in faith when He asked us to do things that might’ve felt silly or inconvenient. One night, we went to Remnant, a young adult group at our church, and at the end someone asked me to go in the middle so that everyone could pray for sight in my left eye.

We prayed for two hours. Two unrelenting hours. Like labor pains, everyone kept pressing in harder and harder, waiting for the miracle. Though we didn’t see it that night, we know the Lord is moving in it and aligning all things for it.

One, what confirmation to what I already knew He was speaking to me about wanting to heal my eye, that He would confirm it to someone else who had no clue we were chasing this. And two, as if that wasn’t enough, Donny told me that night that he could see a difference in my face. I thought he was just being encouraging, but then I saw a picture of me with my friend a couple days later. I was completely undone at what I saw- I saw an eye that looked stronger, more focused, of equal size.

A couple nights later, when Donny and I were praying in bed, we both were hit with the same revelation separately- that God might be changing the eye color as He brings His healing. The following morning, I woke up to take a picture of my eyes to check it out and what I saw was, again, amazing. The eye that has been brown my whole life, having the outer ring of the pupil turning blue- the same shade of blue that my other eye is.

Tell me He isn’t going to do it. Tell me He isn’t doing it. I will SEE His goodness in the land of the living. I have never been more certain. He has called out the order. His will is going to be done.

He isn’t a half way God.

To walk you a bit further into the story of my eye, when I was eight or so months old and my parents took me to the eye doctor after having an inkling something was going on, the doctor told me that if they didn’t do surgery to structure my face, I would grow up and because of that nerve not connecting being vital part of holding everything together, one side of my face would sag. They said I would scare others and I would be made fun of.

31 years, my God has been holding my face in place to bring me to this point- to finish the miracle.

I know the enemy heard the order go out. I know he is watching the anticipation build through every prayer. I know he sees the prayers filling the bowl before the Lord like incense is getting ready to overflow. We are at the tipping point.

The glory my Father will get when everyone sees Him fill what has been empty. Connect what has been declared broken. Heal what has been deemed hopeless.

I know the enemy was trying to me out. He knows the ground this miracle is breaking and will continue to break. He knows what is being built up and sees its power.

Spiritual attack is real, friends. But spiritual defense is more real. God is real and His name is the Lord of Armies. Armies of angels surround Him, going out to do what He declares needs done. The enemy will tell us when we are moving that if we do that he’s going to get us, but the enemy is powerless next to Jesus. If God says no, there is nothing the enemy can do to take you out.

And won’t our Father defend you? Won’t He do it? I know that some things end differently, but if He is not done with you nothing can take you out. And if He is done with you, what value is there to still living?

Don’t be so afraid of death and the enemy that you won’t live. Put on your running shoes. It’s not the time to walk. It’s the time to run and trust our loving Father and know His strength is incomparable and without rival. It’s time to take off. There is nothing better. No fuller joy. And it’s waiting for you, friend. Will you say yes?

We will. We will be running with a new boldness and strength, knowing that the enemy tried to break us before we could see the glory light flood my eye, but God said no. And who can open a door the Lord has shut? We won’t back down. We won’t stop. God didn’t save our lives that night to fall silent. We will do everything to the glory of the Lord, shouting our story to make a beautiful, life-giving, miracle-working story, stealing what the enemy tried to make about himself.

This is a story about Jesus and we will never forget.

It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.

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