There are still so many moments I want to give it all up.
Not in a suicidal way. Just the introverted turned extrovertish.
Today, the small voice that tries to beckon me back into the quiet corners of the room attempted to lure me back to sleep, all the while simply changing Emmy’s diaper.
Things have been fine. Honestly- better than fine. I see His hands and I’m thankful for every plan, and yet, there still are those little whispers that try to tuck me back into bed. To comfort me back into dormancy. To distance me from communion.
Our church motto is “rooted. established. in love.” and do you know what that is? Its committed, vulnerable, and hard.
Being rooted is HARD. Staying is HARD. Running the race when the enemy is constantly trying to show you everything around you that you don’t have, lying to you about who you are, and nit picking you into overthinking, all the while choosing to keep running. It’s tiring.
I hid for so long in the comfort of my introverted nature, until I couldn’t hide anymore from the Lord’s calling me out of it. Telling me to stop listening to any voice that tries to tell me I was made to be quiet and go unnoticed.
Do you hear that?
The enemy told me I was made to be quiet and go unnoticed, guys.
And I believed him.
I told myself, someone who cares very much about authenticity, that I couldn’t be vocal and do big things because that wouldn’t be true to my character. And I want to be genuine.
But who am I to tell the world what’s genuine and authentic in me when I didn’t create me? Who am I to determine the paths I’m supposed to take and to tell myself you have to be a static character, you have to be a static character, you have to be a static character, when my Father says to me, hey sweet girl, you were never made to plant your feet down and try to achieve any stillness in your character. Even my Spirit is supposed to increase in you and change who you are. You are not meant to stay the same. You are made for change. You are made to move.
Are you hiding behind who you’ve always been told you were? Have you not known how to bust out because you’re so afraid of what other’s will think?
I see you, and the Father wants you to know you are created to be a dynamic character. This isn’t your finish line.
The same enemy that put that ‘do not enter’ sign on the door I was made to break through is holding a lot of people hostage. And not because he is super powerful or has cold steel pressed to our temple. Nope, we’re just sitting at the traffic light that he’s turned red.
Being vocal and moving forward in boldness, extending hands to others who need a helping hand out of bed isn’t done without a fight. But when we recognize the reason we are being threatened in particular areas and we recognize it isn’t happenstance, we can keep running. We can blow through the light that tells us this is our stopping point, the lies that say if you don’t do what you’ve always done and say what you’ve always said and be who you’ve always been you aren’t being authentic. Honey, you are not only running in the courage thats you’re inheritance. You are the bravest and most authentic around. You, completely different than the girl who you were,… you are living your most genuine life.
Let’s stop pretending authenticity has anything to do with changing and lets fearlessly and boldly become.
I think becoming in Christ looks inviting. It’s not a quiet space. It’s a shift from being served to serving, including the introverts. And to serve- to invite and step up- means to use our voice. It means to go out of our way to say hi. It means starting conversations. It means vocalizing when we see a kingdom gap that needs watered and built.
Quiet ones, we have the keys to the kingdom, too. And I know it might be through a crackling voice. I know it might sound shaky, hesitant, and awkward. But it is time to rise. Your voice is a gift. Your tone cannot be matched. It’s time to rise.