It’s been awhile

Time is moving fast, but it seems like I’m just walking through the motions day by day. I wake up with the same routine everyday. What am I living for? What’s my purpose? Am I ever going to find where I belong? 

I mean I honestly think that when I ask these questions I sound ridiculous but in all reality they’re daily struggles people face everyday. These past weeks have been hard, I wake up just hoping that it would be a better day. I think to myself, Maybe today won’t turn out to be a crappy day like all the other ones, sooner or later it always ended up being terrible. I feel pathetic complaining about things when it could always be worse. I mean it always can be, but this is where I’m at right now in my life and I just feel stuck. What’s coming next? I feel so afraid. 

I’m not supposed to. 

I get out of habits all the time, especially the ones I shouldn’t. What happened to morning devotions and prayer time? Why isn’t that my priority like it should be? Life takes over and makes you feel like you can’t be organized or relaxed for one freakin moment of the day. It’s the most irritating thing ever, yet I let it go on. I guess I need to become more aware, more equipped with the important things that life is about. 

It’s not about tomorrow, it’s not about what’s coming next, or where we belong. Because guess what people we have NO clue what tomorrow holds, what the next hour holds, or where we belong the best. It’s so out of our reach, out of our hands. We are not in control. 

I guess instead of living through the motions, letting life pass by my eyes without doing anything, isn’t going to shape the person I’m supposed to be. School, work, body image, relationships, they’re all earthly fades that make you think you need to worry day in and day out about. 

Stop worrying and start living. 

What can you do today at work or school or with that relationship to make it better? More joyful. That’s what I ask myself now. 

Everything I do is for His glory. 

Go back to the beginning, where you started, why you started. Why, when in that moment you wanted to just give up, let go, did you keep going? Why did you choose to walk on? Go back to that reason and run with it. 

Whoever reads this, it’s meant for you. 

God bless your soul.  You are loved. 

 

It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.

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