“Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.”
My thoughts have been lack of gravity lately. Whether battling those lies that threaten to isolate me leading up to my speaking at our church women’s conference, the heaviness of having so much to do and feeling like I’m flailing a bit, and just feeling like there has been no time for rest, it has been so easy for my mind to wander and walk further down the tunnels before turning back, allowing things to sink a little too deep, protruding into my peace. Its like one day I woke up and suddenly baseball and softball are in full swing, my work has seeped through out the week. This past weekend checked one big box off my to do but now comes this weekend full of minis and I’m just feeling unprepared. All the while I want to still be a part of all the great things happening at our church. All the while I need time with my family.
It just feels like one big balancing act lately that I need to find a rhythm to walk in and, even that, feels time consuming.
So today, I woke up for the first time in WEEKS with nothing to accomplish. All caught up on my editing, with no real huge tasks at hand to do during the day (setting up for my mini sessions can’t happen until I have the help of my husband tonight), I was so excited at the idea of waking up to a warm pot of coffee and just resting. Writing longer prayers without staring at the clock to make sure I leave myself ample time to get ready, sitting in my chair and rocking along to the silence as I relearned the art of rest my days have been missing, the peace of being with my two littles and just soaking that up.
And here is where the truth comes out: the hopes I had for what today would hold were a flop. Not unrealistic, as we’ve had days like this through the winter, but unattainable today, as the kids are in a special mood, myself not accounting for the fact my recent busyness has led to a bit of neglect for routine and the discipline of order. They’re acting like the crazies I’ve allowed them to be for the past couple weeks, and to reel them in is a struggle of frustration.
Even when the busyness has given way for rest, things are flooding from every angle to keep me from it.
Resting is hard. It’s easier to get frustrated and to yell than it is to hold my tongue and be patient and gracious to these little ones who are ready to run laps around the house and yell loudly. It’s easier to feel each annoyance and insecurity creep up onto my chest and turn to anger and bitterness.
Allowing ourselves to be tossed along with the waves is always the easier choice than to throw down the anchor.
Lord, when my busy thoughts are out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.
There is delight here. While my nearly two year old is screeching a blood curdling sound at her older brother who likes to tease, joy is attainable. Peace can be unshaken.
Peace can be my reaction. Delight can be my possession.
Praying for you today, friend. That as you are shaken by the world and its uncertainties and daily triggers, that the only thing that will be loosened would be the Spirit’s peace, joy, gentleness, and the rest of that good fruit. Let us be shaken, Lord, and let JOY be the outcome. Let us be shaken and let the Spirit within us be STIRRED because of it. Our brightness only brighter.
“How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are highways of holiness! Even when their paths wind through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others only find pain. He gives to them a brook of blessing filled from the rain fo an outpouring. They grow stronger and stronger with every step forward, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion.”
Ps 84:5-7 TPT
It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.