Suffocated. Overwhelmed. Hyperventilation. Anxious. Stressed. — all of these described to what I was feeling last night driving home at 11:30 p.m. Why? Must you ask. Well the fear of finally and I mean FINALLY letting go.
We all have someone, something that finds its way into our lives, takes control of us, consumes us, and then eventually just breaks us. Withers away, finds its way out of our lives. Like a total disappearance that we never thought would happen. That I never thought would happen. We feel as if we can never survive without it, that someone or something.
As I was driving down 2-24, singing out worship songs, tears streaming down my face, I found myself praying.. Praying out loud for peace, strength, security.. Something, anything to know that HE was there. That I was not alone. As I kept praying, I felt like I was getting more overwhelmed, screaming prayers, sounds of uncontrolled cries, Satan was really trying to tell me that I was alone, that I was never going to make it. This feeling in my heart was NEVER going away, but he was wrong.
I pulled into my driveway and as I was about to get out a special song came on — I Can Only Imagine, by Mercy Me
My heart began to slow down, my tears drying, and a peace filled my car. I was NOT alone.
| 1 Peter 5:6-7 | 6 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
I know I’m not the only person that finds themselves in this terrible place. It’s not fun, it doesn’t feel good, and it’s not where we belong. That’s where God gives us hope. Hope that we can rise above these trials of fear and being alone. God gives us a reassurance that this is so small compared to what is coming. How awesome is that? Our God has it all planned out for each and everyone of us!! I just cannot contain my excitement for that. Yes, of course I lose focus on it, but no matter what I will always fall back to it. It’s the only thing that’s certain. He has a plan for all of us, even in that very moment when we feel so small, He is whispering in our ears, “Oh my dear child, you are so much bigger than how you are feeling, you are loved by ME, the Father, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. What more could you possibly need?”
In this moment is when we need to open our ears, listen to what He has to say to us. He never fails. Letting go.. Nothing is worth being lost, compared to losing Christ.
Remember this my love, Jesus died on the cross for YOU. Right? He took His own life, sacrificed Himself for you. He did this so we could have eternal life. We could have a second chance. A time to ask for His unconditional, everlasting love into our hearts, so we can be saved. He loves you. You are His, and He is yours. Now that someone or something that you feel you can never let go of should now feel so small. What is more greater than this?
Don’t lose hope, don’t give up.
It’s your turn, love. Break the silence. Spill your guts.