Today is three years with my handsome, loving, & selfless man. Three years. No, its not 10, 20, or 50. But its three years. 365 days three times over (my hubs isn’t here to do my math right now). 1 child growing 3 years older. 2 children being added to our family. 2 children being enjoyed by family in heaven until we can make it home.
I fight to feel like 3 is significant. It feels so… small. But it hasn’t been small for us. Its been hard & bitter & thick & detailed & joyful & tear-filled & healing. & with every year, we grow more & love harder & become more mindful.
I feel so incompetent to give anyone advice, but I will anyways because there are definitely pieces of advice that defined the turning point in our marriage. & maybe, this is what you need.
Keep your marriage sacred.
Stop airing your dirty laundry on social media & with family & friends. Vent to each other. That’s how you grow together.
2. Good morning texts are nice.
Its about being intentional. Healthy relationships take effort.
3. Press into God.
Let him lift the weight off your shoulders. For you control freaks like me, repeat after me, “your way is better, Jesus”. Make your intentionality with God be like that of your marriage. Walk through the day with him. God I’m scared that if I don’t nag him he will neglect what matters, but I trust you to remind him for me. God I don’t truly think I have the will power to potty train my child, but you say you will be my strength (this is true life, folks.). But in everything. Turning our conversations & hearts to Him above all. He can heal the broken pieces. He can help us see what we couldn’t see in the midst of our emotion.
At the beginning of the year, I had things I felt like God was speaking to me. One, to take aim, & two, that this would be the ‘year of our marriage’. When I heard the first word, I knew it was in regards to my wandering feet & fear of committing whole heartedly & putting the effort into my God. The second, I thought meant our marriage was going to become flawless & mushy gushy. My husband & I pushed on the first couple months being intentional, & then it felt like one day we woke up & forgot our aim. We forgot we were fighting for something. Please don’t misinterpret & think worse than I mean, because our marriage is a beautiful gift from God. But before marriage I never understood that when two people become one, they still have individual quirks, dreams, & ‘things’, & everything doesn’t just magically mesh. So when I received this word at the beginning of the year & when we were being so intentional, I felt like we were victorious. But when we forgot to put intentionality & effort above our own individual desires, I mistakenly thought we failed.
Isn’t that how it goes with our new years resolutions & revival experiences?
We are under the misconception that if we fall down in between, we can’t rise back to the task. We can’t any longer be victorious. But what is victory without a fight? Without some casualties?
Not a victory.
So today, I’m thankful for our victory. Thankful that every day we say yes to the fight to be intentional & take up our cross. I’m thankful for three blessed years. I love you, Donny.